As the poet Rainer Maria Rilke mused,
“There is scarcely anything more difficult than to love one another.”
So, what makes a good relationship?
Below advice’s on how to have healthy and loving romantic relationships.
1. See the best in your partner and the relationship
Research on perception and attention shows that we see more of what we look for, so if you’re looking for signs of kindness – that’s more likely to stand out to you. How you think about and interpret your partner’s actions, intentions, and words also affects how you feel and understand a situation with them, which in turn affects how you behave toward them.
Try it: Spend a week looking for anything and everything your partner does “right.”
2. Have fun
Couples who engage in exciting and enjoyable activities together have greater relationship satisfaction from before to after the shared activity. Many studies have shown that, couples who play together stay together.
Try it: Choose an activity with your partner that you’ve never done together before that you would both find engaging and fun, such as taking dancing lessons or visiting a new place and exploring it.
3. Be grateful for your partner
Expressing gratitude to your partner predicts an increase in your relationship satisfaction. The gratitude you feel inside also predicts your partner’s level of satisfaction. Feeling appreciated by your partner seems to increase how much you appreciate him or her in return—which positively affects how much you feel committed to the relationship and want to do things to meet your partner’s needs.
Try it: Spend time saying “thank you” and letting your partner know how much you truly value him or her. Also, remember to increase the gratitude you actually feel toward your partner, because this also makes a big difference. Reflect on why you appreciate having your partner in your life or what you would miss most if he or she were not in your life.
4. Have a good relationship with yourself
The relationship you have with yourself is arguably the foundation on which your other relationships are built. High self-esteem predicts better relationship satisfaction, and high self-esteem of both partners is an even better predictor of strong relationship satisfaction. Moreover, people with high self-esteem appear to respond more constructively and positively during conflict when they think their partner is committed to the relationship, whereas people with low self-esteem don’t do this even when they believe their partner is committed.
Try it: Like most things, increasing the quality of your relationship can take time. Begin from a place that you can believe. It’s okay if right now you have a hard time believing that you’re a worthwhile person. Start by identifying at least one thing you like about yourself or one thing you’re good at doing. Then, look for other things from that starting point. Remember, more of what you look for tends to pop out, so look for not only what your partner does right, but what you do right.
What else is related to long-term passionate love? Shared affection, and happiness in life.
