“I am so busy. I hardly get time to breath” is how we always start the conversation with a friend. “I have a meeting. I’ll be late” is the way we wish goodbye to those at home just before we leave to work.
I wonder what changed in the system that makes us so committed to work, and spend all the time we get inside the four walls of an office building. Have we really become more productive and efficient along the way? I wonder… Or could there be another reason?
In the haste of time, we become so engaged with worldly things we forget about what is really healthy for us. We mix up the system we are to follow to maintain a good relationship with those closer to you in your family and balance the hectic work schedule with leisure time. I am not judging and blaming entirely on the people. But maybe there was a reason why we opted to choose the busy life and focus to earn more and voluntarily be a candidate in the rat race to climb to the top of the corporate ladder. And while at it, we find strength and encouragement from fellow colleagues who slowly substitute the family and close friends. For they understand more what you go through and they know all your challenges and every opportunity in the environment more than those at home. Slowly you get closer to the family you find at work than your own family.
When you spend most of your time with your colleagues you get to know them on an intimate, day-to-day level. You will learn about their personalities and ethics they believe in. You get a feel for their intelligence and behavior. This can create chemistry and draw you closer to feel something more than mere respect or caring the Human Resources Unit of the workplace expects. It could lead to something more.
Office romances bud at this point. A study done and published in the Careebuilder.com on office romances showed that 40% of workers have dated a co-worker. In which 18% of workers have dated a co-worker at least twice. 33% of female workers dated co-workers of higher rank while 20% of male workers have dated co-workers of higher rank than them. 65% of workers dating co-workers are not hiding their relationships and 30% of workers have married co-workers.
This was a study done in the Western part of the world. Many can claim that their culture and lifestyle are different from us. But really, does these statistics shock us?! No. We are all too familiar with office romances in Maldives. It has been the talk of the town for the past few decades.
All we discuss at work is not just about the scholarship opening or who is going to be killed next on Games of Thrones. Neither do we place all bets on which team is going to win the World Cup this year. We discuss who dates who and how someone has a crush on the new girl at work. We place bets on whether the most talked about couple is going to survive to the line of marriage, or who is the person having an affair is going to give up – his wife or his “true love” as he claims.
The Good
The workplace is the safest and most convenient place to meet people and get to know them. It is the place you spend most of your time in and having mutual friends will provide you all the sources to get to know the person more. Some of the best relationships have started as relationships within the same office.
President Obama met his wife Michele at a Chicago firm when Michele was assigned to supervise Barak Obama, a summer associate from Harvard Law School. Business Tycoon Bill Gates met his wife Melinda at a Microsoft press event in Manhattan. I don’t have to look further, my parents were colleagues too. They worked in the same department when they started dating and my Mother was my Father’s subordinate.
We see in the medical profession and law enforcement it is usually common to have your spouse working in the same field as you or at the same organization. There is a reason behind this. All these professions are demanding and the pressure put on them are unique to their professions. When you have a partner who understands how your job can be a great impact to your time and availability, the stronger the relationship becomes.
office romances are becoming the number one reason for the cause of divorce or the start of the rumble that collapse a marriage.
The Bad
Not all office romances end up in a happy marriage. If it leads to a bad breakup, you don’t want the drama to unfold in the midst of your workplace and have it affect your career as well. To see your ex dating others and making the mutual co-workers to be in that awkward position to “choose” between the two of you are things that you will have to face if you have to end the relationship on a bad note. It could also lead to reduced morale and motivation at work, poor performance and increased absenteeism.
Dating your boss or someone superior to you can cause others to be judgmental to you on different levels. You will have to check on ethical and moral standards and be careful that there is no act of favoritisms that lead to unfairness.
Some of the organizations, due to these reasons have very strict rules and procedures on inter-office dating. But how much can the management supervise or control the attraction one finds in the person who sits right in front of you every day? This will lead to an outbreak of secret romances since it is “forbidden” and if caught, will lead to serious management issues.
The Ugly
What if you are already married?
Most of the time you don’t anticipate how dirty it is going to end up when you start something just for the fun of it, or more appropriate to this situation, for the kick of it.
In a book called “Not Just Friends” Dr. Shirly Glass states that “82% of 210 unfaithful partners I’ve treated have had an affair with someone who was, at first, ‘just a friend’”. This happens because according to Dr. Glass the workplace has become the “new danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity”. To prove this, she discovered from her practice that from 1991 to 2000, 50% of unfaithful women and about 62% of unfaithful men she treated were involved with someone from work.
Hence, office romances are becoming the number one reason for the cause of divorce or the start of the rumble that collapse a marriage. In the haste that we live in, we like to find quick fixes to everything including our marriages. When we feel we are not happy in our marriage, we don’t stop to think twice to see what really is causing the drift, but rather share it with the most trusted person at work and discuss it with them. For those who are already looking for happiness outside the marriage, they take the opportunity to ‘talk things over and seek counsel’ of the potential ‘victim’. Voila! The next thing you know this couple becomes the newest hot topic of office gossip.
It is also noteworthy to remember how sometimes these relationships are fueled by co-workers who probably are usually bored with routine work. It brings a new form of excitement at workplace. They think it is manly of a person to dare to approach the new girl everyone has their eyes set on. It becomes a challenge to try and win her over. The colleagues encourage this and this creates a déjà vu of the very fresh school days when you had to win the heart of your sweetheart.
In Maldives we do not have very strict policies in every office regarding relationships at work. So if you are attracted to a colleague and want to pursue the relationship to see where it ends up, check with the policies and weigh the pros and cons. You never know you might end up finding the love of your life or losing your career which you would regret later.
