OMG he texted! Should I text him back right away? Maybe I should wait like 2 hours. Wait, is that way too long? How long is too long? I don’t want to seem desperate, but I don’t want to wait long enough for him to get bored! WHAT DO I DO?!!
The little voice inside your head tells you one thing but you try and push it to the back and think realistically. This lasts about 2 minutes and you’re back on the worry wagon again. Well dear readers, I can tell you now that you are not alone in feeling some sort of way when random acts of communication are hard to decipher in your own mind. We as humans make up so many rules or certain guidelines that are deemed okay and not okay yet we do it without thinking that the thought may not be of a mutual understanding between our partners.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, whether at home, at work, among strangers, or among friends, we have all engaged in games that are sometimes beneficial and useful, and other times detrimental to our health and the well-being of others.
Psychological games are often rewarding to one party and harmful to the other, creating exhausting and messy dynamics in every kind of relationship. According to Dr. Eric Berne, the author of Games People Play, the main reason that people play games with each other in relationships is to get something that either party desires. Wanting an emotional or tangible reward give us reason to use hidden tactics with one another. Some of the games we play have become so ingrained in our personalities that we hardly even notice we are in fact involved in a psychological game of cat and mouse.
One of the most common and recognizable games that we play is the game of “Hard to Get”. I am sure that most of you reading this would have played this game intentionally or unintentionally at some point. We are so wired to thinking that if we act available to someone that we have expressed interest in, they would immediately see it as ‘desperate’ and we become unappealing to them. Although it isn’t completely true, the thought behind that has some validity to it. When someone does seem a bit unavailable or aloof it does create a sense of mystery around him or her, which in turn makes him or her more appealing. The game of cat and mouse thus ensues.
Picture this scenario:
Ms A meets Mister B, there is an immediate connection, conversation is flowing and there is obvious flirting going on. When the time comes for the conversation to end Mister B asks for Ms A’s phone number. She dodges the question and plays it off even though she wants to give it to him. He persists and towards the end of their first ever interaction, after they’ve already played a game with each other, she gives him her number. Fast forward to a few more days he calls to ask her out, she doesn’t answer straight away and pretends she was busy, all the while jumping for joy on the inside and quite possibly in reality. But she waits till he calls again, because obviously if he calls the SECOND time must mean he is really very interested right?
The fact of the matter is if someone is interested in you, they will make the move and initiate contact. As mentioned in the scenario Mister B called Ms A in the first place because obviously he was interested. Ms A didn’t need to wait for the second call to know that, but she chose to wait. One reason being she wanted to bring the unavailability factor into it and also to actually gauge the interest level that he has towards her.
It’s all very silly in a way, as the reality of the situation is that they both like each other. So why are they playing games? I guess dear readers, that is a question, which really doesn’t have one certain answer. In my opinion I don’t think that we will ever stop the games that we play, but I do think that there is a limit to how far we should take them. For instance playing ‘hard to get’ may sometimes keep both parties curious about each other if they are genuinely interested, but it also may push them away if the game continues for an unreasonable length of time. Because honestly, someone who has the time and makes effort to engage in game playing behavior to an unhealthy level, is not someone anyone should be interested in anyway.
Dear Juliet,
I met a girl through some mutual friends of ours and we hit it off right away. But I really can’t tell if she is interested in me or if it’s just a friendly situation. We haven’t exchanged any info yet, but I don’t know if I should reach out. What if she only likes me as a friend?
afraidofrejection , 19
Dear afraidofrejection,
Well I guess you will never know unless you try right? Although rejection may seem like the most daunting thing right now, do so in a way that you might not feel like a complete fool. Reach out, talk to her and see if she expresses enough interest for you to then ask her out. Trust me, if she is interested I’m sure she will be just as excited for you to ask her and soon enough you will know, and if she doesn’t express a romantic interest you will be able to gauge that too.
I hope you figure it out soon. xx
Dear Juliet
I’ve been dating this boy for a few months now, and in the beginning he used to text me all the time, but I’ve noticed a gradual decrease in our talks over text as the months went by. Is he getting bored of me?
Worried&confused, 23
Dear worried&confused
An important factor here is that you said ‘talks over text’ well if the talks in real life are flowing and don’t make you feel like he is bored of you, text conversations shouldn’t even be a worry. I feel that external factors wouldn’t remain exactly the same throughout the time whole time you’ve been together. Has his schedule changed? Maybe he is busier at work? Take these thoughts into account before jumping to that conclusion. As your relationship progresses you should realize you don’t have to be talking to someone all the time, to know that you both like each other. However if it is something that bothers you for a long period of time, it’s always best to express how you feel. Who knows, you just might get the answer you need.
Girl if you know you aren’t boring, don’t let anyone be the reason you question it. xx
