“I hate her! She lured my boyfriend away from me. I was on a scholarship and she took advantage of the situation.” This was how Sara explained what happened with her long-time relationship with her ex-boyfriend. That was 2 years back.
Then she met Farshan.
“It was love at first sight. I knew I belong with him. Isn’t he charming?!” Sara sighed and showed me his text message and there he had written “From the first time I saw you, I knew you are mine.” We were discussing her budding relationship over coffee. No, let me rephrase that. She was telling me about her infatuation over this guy and I was expected to nod and smile to everything she says, over coffee. She kept on blabbering about how they met and how they keep on texting and how his wife accidently read one of the text messages Sara sent him.
It’s the adrenalin rush. The feeling of experiencing ‘forbidden love’ and ‘stolen kisses’ to which great romantic novels have been written to are once- in-a-lifetime opportunities for some people
“Wait! Did you say his wife!? You mean he is married?!” I suddenly jerked my attention to really listen to what she was actually saying.
“Yeah. He was really pissed off. I asked him what did she say and he said he told her it was just work stuff” then she giggled.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I shook my head and asked again “You mean Frashan is married?” I wanted to make sure I got all the information right.
“Yet. But he is not happy. He wants to leave her. He wants to divorce her. The only reason he is still married is because they have a son. He said Ayaan means a lot to him. He is soooo cute. Do you want to see a picture of Ayaan?”
“Sara! My God! What have you got yourself into? How do you know that he is telling the truth?” I was confused. He has a son too? Where is his wife? What will she be thinking? Or does she even know? Is he telling the truth? How can Sara expect him to be faithful to her after the way he is treating his wife? Lots of questions started clouding my judgment over the situation.
That night I lay awake on the bed staring up at the ceiling and started to wonder.
I know Sara. She hated the girl who ‘stole’ her boyfriend two years back. She was devastated. She was heartbroken and sometimes it sounds like she is still not over the betrayal and hurt and suddenly she is who she hates most! How and why did she turn out to be the one person she loathed most in the world?
Sara is not different from many of girls I know. She has to have a boyfriend. Being single is ‘depressing’ for her. She feels ‘lonely’ even if she is surrounded by people and especially when the topic is her. She claims time’s running out and remind the rest of us how ‘old’ we are getting and how quickly and so it’s essential to ‘grab’ someone before we run out of our biological time.
Potential Boyfriend – Married vs Single
Single men are attractive or else why would they be called eligible bachelors? But to have gone through a failed relationship, it is all too tiring to think of starting a new one from scratch and to put in all that effort to maintain and build a relationship. Men are hard to understand. We never know if they are just testing the waters or merely having fun still, because they are ‘not ready to settle down yet’.
But why does it have to be a married man? One might wonder. I did too.
“Married men are obviously more experienced than single men. Plus, they already know how to be with a woman and make them happy”. A friend pointed out the obvious answer. A married man is better than a single man since he has already been screened and chosen to be the desirable marital partner by the woman who has married him.
It’s the adrenalin rush. The feeling of experiencing ‘forbidden love’ and ‘stolen kisses’ to which great romantic novels have been written to are once- in-a-lifetime opportunities for some people. It’s sheer luck for some people to have so much happen in their lives, while others lead a rather ‘boring’ life.
But once a woman starts dating a married man, the woman becomes the other woman in his life. And why would anyone want to be the second best? If he is cheating and lying to his wife, wouldn’t he do the same to his mistress too? Of course, he would!
A New Game – Risk vs Competition
Starting a ‘secret’ affair gives a sense of excitement. And it’s challenging too. Once a woman starts an affair with the married man, a competition starts. Women don’t usually compete for the man, but with the woman – his wife. It becomes rather exciting, since, the mistress already has an added advantage in the situation because she offers something new to him. It can be a second chance to boost the ego to people like Sara, who has been already been cheated on, to prove self-worth. To her, this is the time to start climbing up the rope to which she has been clinging on to with hope, as she was thrown off the cliff from the previous relationship.
For men, it’s a totally different story. They like to add a little spice to life and according to research done, three quarters of married men admit they are willing to have extra-marital affairs if they knew they would never get caught.
“It’s a risk. But if he leaves his wife for you, then it’s worth the risk.” One of my friends said when we talked about the situation.”
True. It’s a risk, they say. By taking the risk, they get a husband. Probably start a life and build a home, but at the extent of another home? By breaking another woman’s heart and wrecking a marriage? And what do they lose? It’s not just the game or the man. It’s a blow to the ego and getting labelled in the society as the ‘home wrecker’ even if they didn’t in the end.
A Choice?
Why take the risk then, knowing there’s so much to lose than win? I asked Sara. She shrugged and looked at me sadly. I noticed the sadness she wanted me to see on her face didn’t reach her eyes. It was sparkling. With Excitement? I wondered!
But there’s the other side of the coin too.
Some women fall prey to philandering husbands who paint a real nice picture of an ‘unhappy loveless marriage’ in which he is captivated by the love he feels for his children or/and the respect he shows for the older parents. The stories are almost the same. Lame excuses, if you ask me!
“She doesn’t care about me. She takes everything for granted. Never appreciates what i have been doing for her.”
“We are married only in name. She never sees me as her husband. I don’t know why she even stays married to me.”
“I can’t lie anymore. I’m never happy with her. I feel suffocated in this marriage.”
These are some of the ‘lines’ men use. Then why does women fall prey? Are they as naïve and stupid?
It’s not stupidity, neither being naive. It’s the hope that one of the men really is telling the truth that makes the woman to make up her mind to give him a chance. In the hope that one day that she would be the only woman in his heart and life and not the other woman.
